Bite Me - I Probably Won't Even Notice

TODAY'S MENU
Ticks Suck
My Momma - Maybe Yo Momma, Too
Ticks Still Suck
Attention Trekkies, Et Al...


I suppose it's time for me to explain in more detail about those bastardly little bacteria that are causing the collection of symptoms that we call Lyme disease.

I have been avoiding this because it’s complicated and I’ve been trying to save my brain cells for some of my more intellectual daily tasks like doing the laundry & dishes. And I know what some of you are thinking – she’s just trying to be funny. Oh no – seriously – sometimes unloading the dishwasher and trying to remember where the damned dishes go is one of the biggest intellectual challenges I face in the average day. That’s upsetting. I would cry about it but I’m not in the mood right now. I’m saving it up for one huge emotional explosion – it’s far more spectacular that way.

Ticks Suck
OK – down to business. This is how the average person gets Lyme disease (according to my current understanding.)

Mr. or Ms. Average are outside enjoying nature and unbeknownst to him/her, a tick decides to latch on and have a little nibble. More than a nibble – a huge suck.. Ticks suck – that’s their nature.

There are several kinds of ticks out there in the world – you don’t really want to know their official species names do you? If you do, go to this link at Lyme Network and search a bit. (I hope that link really works....if not you can probably figure it out.)

If you happen to notice that you’re being sucked on…and it’s a tick…..(I really had to restrain myself there…such an opportunity for demented humor…) then you’ll want to remove that little sucker with tweezers. Pull it straight out. For more information about that, see the simple instructions from the Lyme Disease Association.

Many times, Mr. or Ms. Average don’t even notice they've been bitten by or sucked on…by a tick, and they go on with their lives oblivious to the warfare that begins inside their bodies.

Sometimes, a rash will appear at the site of the bite, and sometimes there won’t be. For more information about rashes, go to the Dermatlas site (Online Dermatology Image Library) and click on the thumbnail images to get a better view. But be sure to come back, OK?

Now before I go on – I would like to address my mother:


My Momma - Maybe Yo Momma, Too
Now Momma, since no one knows who you are, I hope you don’t mind me telling something about you….and I’m doing it for your own good & the good of ...humanity. Yes, it is for a noble reason that I am telling your private story – for all the other mommas (& daddys, too) -- so don’t get mad, OK?

YEARS and YEARS ago – several DECADES even, my momma was a peeing in the woods, at which point she picked up a couple of tiny “hitchhikers”. (And don’t be saying anything bad about my momma, ‘cause yo momma probably peed in the woods, too!) Anyway, my momma didn’t think too much about it because at that time, no one really knew about what damage ticks were doing. Fast forward to today and she’s having problems remembering stuff, she’s falling asleep at her desk (I hope no one from your work is reading this, Mom), and she can be a bit of a lunatic sometimes. To me – those symptoms could all be Lyme related.

Also, and I’m probably breaking that governmental HIPPA thing by telling this, but Momma’s MRI showed some of that same ‘white matter’ that was on my MRI, too. Of course Momma just thinks that means we have a higher intelligence, and although that’s probably true – I think it could also point to Lyme disease, as well.

So – I said all of that to say to you, Momma: “Please get tested for Lyme disease. And you need to get it from a good lab, like Igenex. I don’t know if your insurance will pay – but start cutting back on your cigs and save that money so you can afford to get the test done.

Just because Lyme disease wasn’t an “official” disease back when you were peeing in the woods doesn’t mean that you don’t have it. Remember, Lyme is the second leading epidemic in America!”



Ticks Still Suck
When a tick infested with nasty bacteria latches on & starts sucking, it can also be injecting some vicious bacteria into your body. The main bacteria is called “Borrelia Burgdorferi’, but researchers have found other nasty bacteria too, that in doctor language they call “co-infections”. Those main co-infectors are: Babesiosis; Ehrlichiosis; and Bartonella. I know there are more but I would have to climb my ass out of the bed and find some books & look it up, and since I wasn’t planning on discussing those co-infections today – because I can only focus on one bacteria at a time – I’m thinking that would be wasted effort.

The ‘Borrelia Burdorferi’ – which from here on out I’ll use the “official” symbols ‘Bb’ – are really these microscopic bacterial parasites called “spirochetes”. (I’m not real clear on how to pronounce “spirochetes” – but my momma says: “spear-o-shits” – and since they’re both toxic – it works for me.)

As soon as the spirochetes enter the body, they go to work reproducing and disseminating throughout the body – kind of the “divide and conquer” approach to biological warfare. According to the reigning authority on Lyme, Dr. Joseph Burrascano Jr, in his Diagnostic Hints and Treatment Guidelines for Lyme and Other Tick Borne Illnesses:

“After a tick bite, Bb….can be found within the central nervous system as soon as twelve hours after entering the bloodstream.”

So that tells us that Bb are quick little bastards. They move quickly because they have these thin, snake-like things called flagella. From the pictures I’ve seen of these spirochetes, I think they look like tiny pasta. Perhaps I’m just hungry. You can see a pic of them from the CDC’s website

So in addition to being able to move quickly throughout the bloodstream, they can invade human cells!

These little bastards cloak themselves to hide from the body’s immune system – kind of like the Romulans from Star Trek could cloak their warships and hide from the Starship Enterprise. And it’s that kind of intelligence – the cloaking intelligence - that should be attracting more attention and research money not only from the medical scientists, but from NASA too. I know we haven’t "officially" (wink wink) come in contact with aliens – but you know they’re out there…somewhere…lurking....just like Bb; and cloaking technology might come in handy sometime in the future. If there any NASA people out there reading this shit, wake up and do something, won’t you buddy?

Anyway, Bb can hide from the immune system from inside of the body’s own cells. I’ve read (somewhere) this bacteria can even hide within the body’s own immune cells! Scary, huh? That reminds me of that movie where the babysitter is getting all the scary phone calls (this was before caller ID) and finally the operator tells her that the calls are coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! And then terror ensues…. When the enemy is hiding inside the very thing that is supposed to be protecting you, that IS terrifying!

What’s even scarier is that Bb is smart. I know, I know, it’s difficult to believe that a microscopic bacteria could have intelligence. But it’s ALIVE! I believe that all living things have some form of intelligence. It may not have consciousness – it may not really be aware of itself in the same way humans are – but I firmly believe a form of intelligence is in all living things.

It has intelligence because: it knows how to nourish itself; it reproduces according to a cycle; it can play hide and go seek; and it can even change forms! Other than becoming more round-like and pear-shaped, I can’t change forms yet – can you?

Much like a Shaman, or some other Star Trek alien (can’t think of the aliens’ name…damn the Lyme fog!!) Bb can morph itself – shape-shift into different forms, most especially when its survival is threatened! (I just read what the different forms were…can’t find it! Clearly this is not the day that I should be writing this crap…damn the Lyme fog…damn it damn it damn it!!! )

According to my humble memory, the forms are an “I” form (whatever the hell that means) and a cyst form (which I’m picturing they’re all waded up together is some kind of bacterial orgy or something.)

It’s because of all of those above factors that it is difficult to eliminate all of the Bb from the human body.

First, the immune system can’t fight what it doesn’t see. So if the bacteria are hiding out within the body’s cells (probably playing bacterial poker & smoking cigars) the immune system doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary so it doesn’t produce the antibodies…which is WHY the tests that look for Lyme disease can be wrong. The tests don’t measure the bacteria found in the bloodstream…it measures the antibodies. If the immune system doesn’t see an enemy – it doesn’t produce antibodies (unless of course, it gets confused – like mine does – and starts producing antibodies to it’s own cells – which is what’s happening in auto-immune disorders. And that’s a whole other story.)

Second, antibiotics will only kill Bb during its growth phase – perhaps when it has to come out of hiding. I’m guessing the bacteria have to come out of hiding to have the bacterial equivalent of our modern dating ritual: dinner, movie, and premarital sex. Of course, the bacteria never feel guilty about their lascivious activities, because they clearly don’t have a damned conscious; otherwise they wouldn’t be making me feel so miserable.

Also, certain antibiotics will kill only specific types of bacterial forms and/or strains. So if there are several forms and strains of Bb in the body, one antibiotic will only kill one of the forms or strains – leaving the other forms to ‘party on, dude’. Therefore, different types of antibiotics are often needed.

Supposedly the bacteria only go through their growth phase every 4 weeks or so – which is why antibiotic use must be long term if it’s going to do any good…if it’s going to have a chance to fight the chicken-shit bacteria that have been hiding inside the cells, producing all sorts of shitty toxins for the body to deal with.

The Bb bacteria can even invade human tissues, which only makes eradicating it that much more complicated. That’s why it can virtually screw around with every system in the body. It affects the muscles; joints; the brain (damn the Lyme fog…damn it!); the heart (I do not have Lyme carditis! I do not have it! I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK.);…and a whole bunch of other stuff. If you’ve got an ailment, Lyme could be the culprit.

Remember, however, I’m not a doctor – just a gal with Lyme whose got a lot of down time on her hands… so I type to entertain myself. My memory sucks and I could be filling you with all kinds of false information right now – not on purpose mind you – I’m just doing the best I can.

This shit is really complicated, and I realize I’ve probably just made a big mess out of trying to simplify it for the average person to understand. If you’d like a more official “primer” to this disease – the Lyme Disease Association has a lovely 2 page primer. It takes awhile to load, and you’ll have to zoom in to read it – but I’m quite sure you’ll learn more there than you did here. Perhaps the lovely people at the LDA have more control over their intellect than I do with mine today.


Attention Trekkies, Et Al...
In conclusion – a request to any of the Trekkies out there…if you know the name of the aliens that can morph into something different…please feel free to comment below.

Also, to anyone else out there who happens to be reading all of this crap because you clearly have nothing better to do with your time, please feel free to add your comments, too. Lonely sick people with nothing better to do should band together & be supportive. I’d like to start a little email thing going on – but I haven’t learned how to add that on the page just yet. But please do feel free to add your comments and sign my guest book if you want.

I realize by inviting you to comment that I might be setting myself up for criticism. I would kindly ask that you be as kind as possible because as I’ve mentioned, I’m saving up all of my negative emotions for one spectacular explosion – like a fireworks display. However, I’m feeling rather shitty today – don’t have that extra energy needed to be emotional. But if you still feel compelled to be critical – please know ahead of time that my best response, which I think is appropriate for today’s topic, is “Bite me…I probably won’t even notice.”