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Life & Time of a Gal with Lyme...Part 2

Be forewarned: Most of what follow is boring. It’s mostly a diary entry for my benefit because my memory is starting to suck; and also a way to keep any family or friends posted without me having to tell the same damn story over & over. So if you’re bored out of your mind – keep reading. Otherwise, skip to another section.

Life & Times of a Gal with Lyme…Part 2
Last week I went to my PCP, which I will refer to as Dr. PCP. (Why is it when I hear “PCP” it makes me think of some illegal drug? Like acid or angel dust? Don’t get me wrong – never did anything like that – just seems like what I heard on one of the cop shows…or the news.)

Anyway, my visit with Dr. PCP was just a follow up visit – to let her know what’s been going on & to give her an opportunity to write me a prescription, too.

Even though I do not need a referral from her to see other doctors, I prefer to consider her the general contractor for my health care. Most of my problems are chronic and need the attention of a specialist of some sort, but I love Dr. PCP because I trust that, by keeping her informed of what the others are doing, she will add her opinion as to whether I’m being led in the “right” direction. I think it’s important to have a PCP you can trust. I mean, if you can’t trust your doctors….wait a minute, I’m starting to laugh again….. OK, I’m better now.

But I really do like Dr. PCP because she listens to me, and she’s honest. A few years ago when I was having so many symptoms, other docs suggested I had MS, or maybe Lupus - but the tests came back negative or inconclusive. Dr. PCP did think to run a Western Blot for Lyme, but it came back “negative” too because the lab she sent it to was using the CDC criteria (for surveillance). At one point Dr. PCP finally just said, “You’re above my head.”

Now granted, that’s not what a patient wants to hear from her doctor when she’s just damned miserable. But upon further reflection, I realized that - at least she was honest! Some doctors might just say, I think it is X or Y and let’s put you on this other medication and see what happens. And some doctors might just suggest more antidepressants. But Dr. PCP didn’t. She worked with me & kept thinking of specialists to send me to or tests to run, while she did her best to help me manage my symptoms -- until finally my mystery symptoms started fading away.

So last week’s visit with Dr. PCP was just a follow up, but I also went with an agenda. I wanted a prescription…for my new Lyme induced acne. I’m getting close to 40 years old and my face has more zits now than when I was in high school! I believe that acne is something that Lyme can bring about – so I just blamed it on that & asked for the antibiotic minocycline, which is used to treat acne….oh yes, and it is also used to treat Borrelia Burgdorferi (the main Lyme bacteria), too. It’s such a blessing to be smart, you know?

For those that have not been keeping up with my posts – the doctor that has been treating me for my Lyme disease, Dr. C, has me on some homeopathic stuff called Samento.

As I’ve mentioned before… (Or maybe I just thought I mentioned it – really do need to pay more attention to my own writing). …Dr. C doesn’t want to put me on antibiotics because he thinks I would need them long term; they will mess up my gut; and they probably won’t help anyway, blah blah blah.

I appreciate Dr. C’s opinion, about which he is very passionate. I respect that he has done some research and has a solid viewpoint. It’s just that I haven’t done enough research of my own to put all my eggs in this one Samento basket.

From the little research I’ve done up to this point, it seems that the “official” Lyme protocol is to use antibiotics – and for quite a while. And so when I ask myself, “How would I want my daughter treated if she were the one with chronic, or late-stage Lyme?” My immediate thought is: “with antibiotics.” I learned to ask that type of question through my many years in psychotherapy. After years in therapy I came to believe that I must learn to love & take care of me as I would my own child. So this whole Lyme thing is just an opportunity for me to continue to learn to love me…with all my flaws, melodramatic symptoms, viruses, bacteria & all.

So Lyme isn’t just a disease…it’s an opportunity for growth. Goody. (See? I try to make myself have a good attitude…. It’s a process.)


I’ve been taking the minocycline for about a week now, and my acne is starting to clear up, which is good. But at this low dose, I don’t think I’ve had anything close to a ‘herx’. Ironically, it’s been the Samento which has caused me to have mild ‘herx’ reactions.

I realize that as far as antibiotics are concerned, I probably need something stronger. It will be interesting to hear what Dr. N (a neurologist who treats Lyme patients) will say when I see her in February.

In addition, last week I saw my chiropractor who just shakes his head when I come in because I don’t come in frequently enough for me to stay “fixed”. I’m probably what he’d refer to as a “crisis patient”. He has lectured me a time or two, and I listen, but damn it – I’m just too tired to get dressed & drive to his office for the 3 minutes it will take for him to pop the shit out of me. If I’m already out – then I don’t mind swinging by so he can pop the shit out of me. But I just don’t think he understands how much effort it takes for me to put clothes on and become publicly presentable. At this point, it seems I can listen to a doctor lecture me and I don’t really care anymore. I’ve become so jaded, and at such a young age, too. What a shame.

I did talk to the chiropractor, which I’ll call Dr. Pops-the-shit-outta-me, about my costochondritis (inflammation of the ribs…which my ribs also keep popping out of place…major nerve pain!) I can’t remember what he said, but I asked him about using one of those over-the-door-traction contraptions to keep me all pulled up “straight”. He said that might do me some good, so I went out and forked over some money for that. So far I have used it once. It’s a lot of effort to hang that damn thing up and then try to figure out how to put the strap thing around my head so as not to strangle myself. Of course I’m thinking I’d need a hell of a lot of weight on the traction bag if it was gonna lift my lard-ass off the ground enough to strangle me to death. I also think that between the weight of the bag and my own weight that the door wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure & it would rip the hinges out of the wall & I’d probably just get knocked unconscious from all the shit falling on top of me. (Oh…I think I just started down another rabbit trail….I’d apologize, but I’m certain I’ll do it again so you’d best get used to it.)


ALSO - I went to a new cardiologist this week because I’ve been having chest pains, which I know is most likely all caused by the costochondritis, and the subsequent anxiety that follows when you have chest pain and aren’t entirely positive as to why. I try whatever I can to distract myself from the sharp stabbing pain that is followed by the crushing feeling that an elephant is taking up residence upon my sternum. Sometimes I just try to focus on my breathing and say over & over: “I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK” with each breath. After I convince myself that I’m OK, I then try to entertain myself by realizing what a ridiculous notion it is that I would be having a heart attack at my age. I try to make myself laugh and think about those old Sanford & Son episodes when Mr. Sanford melodramatically grabs his chest and says, “Here I come, Elizabeth”. But then somehow the reality that heart disease is a silent killer in women comes back to me, and I wonder if I should go to the ER….again…to spend about $5,000 for them to run a few tests & to finally determine that it was the costochondritis, or just a severe anxiety attack, but to thank me once again for dropping by, and to say how nice it was to see me again. (..Rabbit trail?)

Anyway - the other reasons I’ve wanted to see a cardiologist is that I have also been tachycardic (fast heart beat) for well over a year; my blood pressure has been borderline high; and my CRP (Cardiac Reactive Protein) was elevated back in the summer.

At the time, the holistic-type doc I was seeing then said the high CRP just indicated that I have lots and lots of inflammation in my body, which wasn’t exactly “news” to me. So at the time I just trusted that he knew what he was talking about. Yet after doing research I discovered that an elevated CRP can be a better indicator of an impending heart attack than high cholesterol levels!!!

Hmmmph. Information is good to have. But it seems the more I learn, the more freaked out I think I can get – and the more it’s gonna cost me. Knowing that about the CRP is only going to make my next bout with chest pain that much more worrisome.

So I saw the cardiologist, which I’ll have to refer to as Dr. H (for heart doc) because Dr. C is my chronic fatigue/fibro doc, who is treating for Lyme. (Confusing, yes?)

I realize it would be so much easier to remember this if I just used all of my docs’ real names, but then I might be setting myself up for a libel lawsuit if I got mad at one of them and felt the need to call one of them a sorry, shit-for-brains SOB. And we can’t afford a lawsuit because as you can imagine, most of our money seems to be going to my various doctors anyway.

The cardiologist was wonderful. He listened to me present my symptoms & then he actually….he actually examined me! (That’s just becoming a rarity these days that it’s almost exciting for a doctor to make physical contact….it shows they care!) Anyway – he said that he heard a murmur and wants to do an echocardiogram (I think that’s what he said) and a nuclear stress test (which means I don’t have to do the tread mill…and isn’t that nice of him to think of my fatigue?)

What concerns me is that as I mentioned above – I’ve been to the hospital a few times with chest pains, and I’ve been to another cardiologist (last year as a matter of fact) and NO ONE has EVER mentioned anything about a heart murmur. So this is NEW! And I don’t NEED any NEW crap to deal with.

I’m trying not to get all anxious about it because I realize I could just start having an anxiety attack & then probably more chest pains and it’ll just end up costing me more damned money. So I’m choosing to stay calm even though I realize that I could have Lyme carditis at this very moment.

I’m afraid to research very much about Lyme carditis because I’m afraid I’ll read there’s nothing they can do about it – or that what they can do is painful, invasive, expensive, painful, lengthy, expensive, and again, painful. So as for this condition, today I prefer to stay ignorantly blissful.

Oh hell, who am I kidding! I’m far too inquisitive, dramatic, and imaginative to stay ignorant or blissful for very long.

Perhaps I’ll just keep repeating my mantra: I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK.


Speaking of emotional health, I was supposed to go to my shrink, Dr. S. this week, but I woke up so damned dizzy and feeling so miserable that day that I knew it would be irresponsible for me to drive. The dizziness has really started to become a serious problem for me because I can be fine one minute, and then the next I feel so dizzy I could vomit. I’ve walked into things, and almost fallen a few times. So that morning I finally started using a souvenir wooden cane – that for the life of me I don’t remember where it came from or when – it was just here.

Well, that damned thing almost killed me because whoever used it before wore off the bottom so that it’s not flat – it’s slanted! Try being nauseously dizzy & expect a slanted cane to help you stay balanced. It doesn’t work!

Before I knew it, my GRANDMOTHER brought me HER cane that she no longer needs. Now – don’t get me wrong – I’m glad Grandma doesn’t need the use of her cane anymore – that she has made a remarkable recovery with her hip problems. But it just doesn’t seem right that I’m having to use my GRANDMOTHER’s cane!

Mostly I feel ridiculous walking around with it because it’s not like I NEED it to walk all the time. I just like to have it for back up because I’m thinking that even though the cane seems overly dramatic –falling flat on the floor might be slightly more theatrical; and getting my blubber but off the ground takes a monumental – although entertaining – amount of effort these days, too!

I went to church on Sunday (with the damned cane) and prior to teaching my Sunday school class, the Youth Director came in and asked me what had happened – why I needed the cane. I told her that I decided to get drunk before church and the cane was just there to steady my walk.

I knew the Youth Director didn’t believe me – but one of the kids overhead me and had this horrified look on her face. Then one of the other kids asked me why I had it, and I told him it was to whack unruly kids over the head. I’m such a good Sunday school teacher.

Actually, I really am a good teacher…most of the time. And even though it takes an enormous amount of energy to prepare & teach for that really long hour – I always seem to get back more from the kids than what I’ve given. So if I can get my fatigued, aching, dizzy, fat ass out of bed on Sunday morning - and I’m not having serious chest pains – I’m going to Sunday school. Because I need it. Again, it’s all about me & my needs. Ah, the life of a dramatic, sickly narcissist.

Stay tuned….but don’t you worry…’cause I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK.