Sticks and Stones...

TODAY'S MENU
From The Heart
Let's Kiss and Make Up...Or Kiss My Ass


“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

When I was a little girl,that was a common little chant heard on the playground. I can’t recall if I believed it as a child. I’m sure I did to some extent, if not for any other reason than to protect me from those little punk kids calling me names.

When I was in college taking a linguistic class, I learned that WE give the meaning and power to our words. At the time, I interpreted it to mean that words are powerless on their own.

By themselves, words are just a jumble of letters. Our culture decides the shape & sounds of the letters, and the meaning given to the words. Linguistics is really fascinating if you delve into it much. Of course, I only delved into it as much as I was required for my degree plan, so don't worry - we won't be spending too much time on it.

As I’ve continued to age & I have traveled further along on my spiritual path, I have come to believe that words can be extremely powerful. Our thoughts (which are made of words) create our perceptions of the world; which in turn effects how we react and interact with the world. We interact with our world through our words and deeds.

So, when reflecting again on the above phrase, about how words can never hurt me, I’m thinking that’s potentially just bullshit. What do you think?


From The Heart
As I mentioned in my previous posts, I went to see a cardiologist who ordered a nuclear stress test and an echocardiogram, which I had done this past Friday.

Being alone with cold medical machinery often gives you much time to take stock of things in your life that aren’t working in your best interest.

For about twenty minutes I had to lie perfectly still with my hands stretched up over my head while the machine took some fancy-ass pictures of my radioactive heart. While I was lying there I kept thinking, “I sure hope they find something.” And then it occurred to me: “NO – that’s NOT what I want!”

I don’t want them to find heart problems – I just want to be healed. That is what my thought process should have been.

Because I believe we are created in the image of God, and God is the Creator Who spoke the Universe into existence; I believe that I, too, have some power to create through my thoughts and words.

I have to keep reminding myself how powerful my thoughts & words really are. I don’t want to create a heart problem. I want my medical “team” to gain knowledge & wisdom about the source of my symptoms, and fix it..…(and when I say “team” – realize none of my medical people actually collaborate with each other – so the word “team” is really a misnomer – but it’s fun to say, most likely because it makes me feel important…MY medical “team”.)

Back to semantics. I know it really seems like a question of playing with words, and sometimes that does seems rather ridiculous. But when I think back to those linguistics classes that seemed rather worthless at the time I attended, I remember again that WE establish the meaning and power we give to words.

So by thinking “I hope they find something” – the power in that statement seems like I’m asking God or the Universe or my very own body to create something for them to find.

I believe that our sub-conscious mind is extremely powerful – just think about the power of hypnosis. Years ago I read about how our conscious mind is continually sending messages to our sub-conscious, which in turn sends messages to our body. This is all part of the mind-body connection.

As hard as it is for me to accept this, I believe our body carries out our “creative” orders. I’m not really clear on details, but at this point in my spiritual journey, I believe there is an aspect of us that can create or attract the “sickness” we experience…through our thoughts and words and deeds.

And I know when I say that, I am really pissing some people off right now, most likely the people that have sat in a doctor or therapist’s office where they’ve been told their symptoms are “all in their head” or that the symptoms are “psychosomatic” etc..

(And just so you know, I had a very popular gynecologist – really “up” on research that I was seeing for some unremitting horrific pelvic pain. After ruling out anything serious of a gynecological nature, he told me the pain I was complaining of was associated with my bladder and that the pain was DUE TO MY EMOTIONS.” ((HE PUT THAT IN MY DAMNED MEDICAL CHART!)) I wanted to choke the living shit out of that man, but was afraid that my actions might seem a little “emotional” so I resisted the urge. I also resisted the urge to send him an “FU” letter after a urologist diagnosed me a month later with the bladder disease: interstitial cystitis. And the reason I included that story here is so you will know I’ve heard the “all in your head” & “psychosomatic” bullshit too….didn’t like it one bit!)

BUT that’s NOT what I’m saying, even though I’m having a hard time finding my words to explain WHAT it is that I AM trying to say….I’m wondering why I am even bothering to write this today.

I think God, by making us in His/Her Image, has given us great power that we are just figuring out how to use. Sometimes we use the power incorrectly and we create things in our life that we don't like - so the trick is to keep seeking until we figure it out. I've come to believe that our words (& thoughts) are like a magic wand of sorts...and for some reason I keep turning myself into a toad....not on purpose - just because I haven't learned how to use the wand!

I think, in a nutshell, that self-talk should be like positive affirmations. I think self-talk should be done with conscious effort. It’s so easy for our minds to just wander from thought to thought throughout the day, and depending on a person’s personality – it depends on whether the majority of those thoughts are negative or positive...whether those things created by the thoughts are negative or positive.

I think up to this point in time, the majority of my self-talk has been negative, or at the least, not well-crafted. This must change.

Through the healing power of God, I am healing now.

Let's Kiss and Make Up...Or Kiss My Ass
I opened some of my email the other day and I got a message from a woman that apparently got my email address from one of the many message boards I subscribe to because, as some of you are aware, I’m experiencing a lot of physical crap. Anyway, I will quote her little note below, but will protect her identity because I really am a good person, despite the fact that I often seem like a bitch.

"Hi Dr. W---A--

I really like your information and your cute sense of humor, but I am wondering about your sometimes crude wording, It kind of stuns and upsets. How about a quick edit to help those of us that can't handle stuns and upsets when we can barely even handle encouragement unless it is really gentle. Just a gentle suggestion from a fellow Christian who admires and respects your work for us in your blog.

P.S. This sort of thing probably would not have bothered me before Lyme, but the Lyme really drops ones tolerance of most everything. I wish it weren't so. "

Now, when I first read this – my immediate knee jerk response was that this lady could just kiss my ass. I thought, you know, if she doesn’t want to be offended – don’t read any of my shit.

Then I opened another email. It was a note by an administrator from one of the message boards saying they would have to change my UserName on their boards from DR Wiseass to DR Wiseguy…because they do not tolerate profanity on their boards. This one seemed so ridiculous to me that I just started to laugh. And while yes, I think it’s stupid to censor the word ASS because everyone has an ASS and because everyone can behave like an ASS, I decided I just have to accept it. I realized it isn’t MY message boards, therefore, I don’t make up the dumb ASS rules.

So after these two emails came to me on the heels of my pondering the power of my thoughts and words…I knew I had to give this some consideration.

So here’s where I am (assuming that you care) with this topic. Know that I reserve the right to change my mind later because I’m a woman, and because I know that life is not static and that change and growth are inevitable. So in case I grow a little more (and please God, NOT in my pants size) – I may alter my position.

My husband loves hot peppers. As for me? No way. I’m just a big sissy when it comes to hot peppers. As a matter of fact, I loathe them. Not only does my mouth loathe them, but my stomach, my guts, and my bladder all say: “NO PEPPERS, please.” Actually it’s not so much of a request as a demand: “NO PEPPERS, damn it!”

If someone were to cram peppers down my throat, I dare say I would loathe them as well.

Now as difficult as this is to admit, I have been shoving my profanity peppers down the throats of some of the big sissies at a number of the message boards I frequent.

And just because I can’t understand WHY they choose to give so much offensive “power” to the words of profanity that I have come to embrace as an outlet for my inner venom, doesn’t mean that they should have to endure it.

So, shit-damn-piss-hell!!!! I hate it when I realize I have behaved like an ass!

For anyone that has stumbled here & actually taken the time to read this far into my post, apparently you are not quite as offended by profanity, otherwise you would not have read this far into my post. So maybe you’ll be able to understand why I tend to be so foul-mouthed at times.

I’ve noticed that when I’m experiencing daily, unrelenting pain and fatigue, and when I don’t know what the hell tomorrow will bring, I tend to develop a rather demented, “crude” sense of humor as my main coping mechanism.

Verbally, I find myself trying to imitate the “toughness” of Rocky – no doubt to compensate for the “wimpy-ness” I am truly feeling. In between my bouts of weeping, I enjoy the piss out of writing my little dirty words because they can pack an emotional punch in my expression that other words just don’t possess. To me, my “crude” wording adds a delicious spice to my communication. What I didn’t understand is that to others, it can be like forcing hot peppers down their throats.

I would be lying if I said I’ve never used my words to hurt others & to be purposely offensive – but I honestly have not intended to hurt anyone at the message boards at which I’ve posted. I go to the different boards because I need support and information; and because I also have the desire to give support and what little information I’ve amassed at this point. I’ve sprinkled some of my communications with my special spice because, it’s just more fun to me. I wasn’t thinking that others were choking on it.

Because of my belief about words – about how WE give them power – my general use of profanity isn’t meant to burn like hot peppers, but just to spice things up a bit, you know, like garlic.

So if I have offended anyone on any message boards, I do sincerely apologize.

As far as offending anyone here at my blog site – please understand that

“If you can't stand the heat…get out of the kitchen.”

This blog is my "kitchen". Now “pucker up” or get out!