Tis the Season for Poly-Tickin'

I can’t believe January is almost over. I have accomplished nothing. NADA. Zip. Zero. Zilch.
It’s such a relief that I had no real expectations – no aspirations, really.

I’ve come to believe that if I totally lower my expectations of what I can do – then if I do happen to do SOMETHING – then I’m ahead of the game instead of being disappointed that I did not achieve all my goals. I think that is rather WISE, don’t you agree? Of course you do because you are most likely a pathetic sicko, too, which is why you are reading this!


TODAY’S MENU
Toilet Typing
High Significance
Repeat Chorus
The Following Stuff
Poly-Ticks Gives Me Diarrhea



Toilet Typing
OK, all that above was just a bunch of rambling bullshit. I’m making stuff up now just to entertain myself as I am really quite sick today and I’m only typing because it beats the hell out of having one or more parts of me hanging in or near the toilet.

Yes – in addition to my Lyme toxicity, I’ve apparently latched onto some delightful gastrointestinal virus, or rather, it has latched onto ME!

I’m trying to think of what part of me that is not miserable. My fingernails. Yes, my fingernails …no wait – they are actually not happy as I had ripped off the press-on nails that I felt compelled to glue on the other day because I was having a moment of vanity. So - scratch that. ((Oh look, fingernail humor…))

What doesn’t hurt…..hmmm…

If I don’t move, my hair doesn’t hurt. But my head aches so badly now that it’s hard to really differentiate however.

FYI - I am currently typing with sunglasses because I am an ultra cool wiseass diva and because this migraine is making my eyes sensitive to the light of the computer screen. Actually there are moments wheeeen I have my eyes closed because I was smart and took typing in high school so I at least have some marketable skill and can type with my eyes closed.

I don’t see lots of want ads from employers needing people who can type with their eyes closed, but then again, I’m not looking because that would take away from all the time I lounge around in bed with sunglasses – and from all the time I spend with parts of me hanging in or near toilets. When I see the ad that reads:

“Lyme-diseased Light-sensitive Toilet Typers WANTED”

– I am making the call!

I can’t recall why I started blogging today of all days other than out of boredom, the need for a happy diversion from my misery, and because I had intended to post AT MINIMUM two blog posts per month; and as I announced earlier – January is almost over. But see – that means I DID have an EXPECTATION of sorts – so you see – I am a liar.

Anyway, I thought I’d spend the next few minutes perhaps typing about nothing of significance – implying that all of my other blog posts are of very high significance.


High Significance
Speaking of high significance – let’s talk about politics – or as we say here in Texas: poly-ticks.

For those of you that are just now joining my little stupid blog – I have previously spent some time spinning my wheels preaching to the choir about how we need to become more politically active with regards to advocating for ourselves and this damn disease.

Well….Repeat Chorus!

I have recently had a brief dialogue with my high-ranking friend that works at the federal Congressional level. Wait. Was that good sentence construction? I did not mean to imply that my friendly Congressional staff person was either high or rank. Is that what you thought I meant?

Let’s try that again: I recently exchanged email with my friend who is a high staff member working at the federal level. OK, so that clears that up, right? Or, maybe that further confuses some of you because I know some of you cynical people are thinking: “Well shit – a high staff member – that could be just about anybody on Capitol Hill!”

Yeah, I hear you! But I assure you this fella… or gal – not wanting to divulge any info – is very well grounded and has info that I would like to pass on to you, my fellow Lymebrains and Friends of Lymebrains.

First – do we not ALL agree that it is indeed impressive that Dr. Wiseass actually knows some people in high places instead of merely knowing lots of people whom are just ‘high’??? Yes, I am feeling rather impressed with that myself.

Before moving along – I think it is fair to interject that I currently have a moderate fever.

No, not the low ever-present, brewing in the background fever that we are accustomed to having…but a more moderate “I have a virus that wants to kick my ass” kind of fever…which is not to be confused with the really high “I think I’m gonna die because I have a new bacterial infection that is not being addressed” kind of fever that would take me to the doctor’s office.

Lucky for me, I have a shitload of nutraceuticals that I could be taking, if only I could remember what I should be taking for these particular symptoms.

What is wrong with me? Oh yes, I am sick and I have fever and laughter gives me heart palpitations –so laughter is OUT. O-U-T !!

Second, I think it is important for you to know that I am having one of those manic kinds of days where the spirochetes are literally dancing thru the brain tissues - bouncing from synapse to synapse trying to keep you confused and deranged….and by the way, the spirochetes are keeping me rather confused and deranged too!

I think the Lyme bacteria in all its forms are running chicken-shit scared away from the areas in my body that are currently occupied by the mystery virus. The little genius bastards realize that my body is trying to expunge the virus by pooping and puking it out and so it has run to my brain and most likely to my cardiac muscle as evidenced by the laughter-induced palpitations.

My LLMD would definitely say that today I am …..oh shit, what would he say?

Ah yes, today I am experiencing a little frontal lobe disinhibition. The keets & the fever and the possible DEHYDRATION are causing my brain to feel a little drunk. SO – I know you’ll pardon me if this post does not read like the fine literature which you have come to expect from me…but sometimes a gal has an ‘off’ day.

Actually my momma says my writing is better when I am really sick or pissed off or even better – both. I don’t know what that says about me, my writing, or my momma – but damnit I’m too sick to care today. I have a purpose. Now what was it?


Repeat Chorus
My whole reason for posting today – other than for the finger exercises and the rambling value is to tell you what my high political friend said:

“CALL PEOPLE.”

But who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters?

Hell NO! They’re not gonna be much help. But you CAN call the guys/dolls that we, for whatever stupidass reason, elected into political office. We SHOULD call the people that are sitting around in the sub-committees that will determine if the current Lyme legislation will either make it out of sub-committee or die right there.

Granted – by calling those people we won’t actually be talking to those people because they are usually far too busy to talk to ‘WE, the People’. BUT – who we WILL be talking to is the people who tell the higher people who tell the highest people that ‘WE, the People’ have been calling and we want them to pass the current Lyme legislation.

For those of you that are clueless – which usually includes me – the current Lyme legislation basically calls for a Lyme Task Force to be created – to look at ways/means to go about solving this whole Lyme ‘problem’. The task force would be made up of doctors, researchers, and YES, unbelievable as it may sound – actual Lyme patients and/or their competent family members!!

Yes, I’m oversimplifying the whole Lyme bill because….did I mention I am sick today? I mean sicker than normal? And don’t you feel sorry for me?

If you’d like to actually READ the bill in question, go here: http://thomas.loc.gov/ and then type in HR 3427 in the SEARCH box.


My high ranking friend wanted me to appeal to you – the masses – all ten of you AND YOUR FRIENDS – to please get off your Lymie asses long enough to do SOMETHING. This of course, is one of those dreaded EXPECTATIONS – but hell, how else are you spending your time?

OK, so the following is more or less the message from my friend. I have changed up some of his/her wording so that it makes more sense to me. I hope it makes sense to you. And please note – despite today’s feelings of utter lunacy, this is quite the serious topic. So – put your serious face on as you read the following stuff.


The Following Stuff
To: Lyme Advocates
2005 saw some significant progress on advancing important research and funding issues in Congress on Lyme disease, however NOW is the time to act to assure real progress before the end of this session of Congress.

Everyone who cares at all about this disease or simply wants to help out someone who does can make an important difference. Below are some simple, but effective steps you can take to advance this issue, listed in order of importance. If you have the time to do them all, that's great. If not, do what you can and pass this along to others.

The two most important tools that the Lyme community has are:

1. The fact that everyone we talk to seems to know someone who has suffered from Lyme Disease

AND

2. A large email & personal rolodex of people from many different Congressional districts.

So please make your appeals personal, and please enlist as many people as you possibly can to CALL their own member of Congress for help.

A note about contacting a Congressional office:
Snail mail is very slow due to security measures, but a personal note - however brief - is still primarily, the most effective. Second would be a phone call (with a request for a response) or fax of a note, followed by an email.

No matter what, it's important that your appeal for action be personal, and you ask for a response.

The main bill to advocate is H.R. 3427, the Lyme and Tick-borne Disease Prevention, Education, and Research Act of 2005. This is a bill introduced jointly by Rep. Chris Smith of New Jersey and Rep. Sue Kelly of New York - the most recognized advocates for Lyme.

In Summary:
#1 People should CALL THEIR OWN FEDERAL CONGRESSMAN AND ASK THAT HE OR SHE CO-SPONSOR H.R. 3427, the Lyme and Tick-borne Disease Prevention, Education, and Research Act of 2005.

If you don't know who your Representative is, you can look that up with your zip code at http://www.house.gov/ . This page will also give you their contact info, or you can call the main switchboard for Congress at 202-224-3121 and ask for that office.

#2 You should forward this to everyone you know and ask them to do the action above

#3 H.R. 3427 was referred to the House Committee on Energy & Commerce, and within that, the Subcommittee on Health. The Chairman of the Health Subcommittee is Rep. Nathan Deal (GA).

Therefore, people should call or write Rep. Nathan Deal asking for a favorable hearing on this bill. His Capitol Hill address is:

2133 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515-1009.
Phone: (202) 225-5211
Fax: 202-225-8272.

#4 If this is really important to you, you can start contacting the individual members of the Health subcommittee and ask them to co-sponsor the bill.

If you see your own Congressman on this committee, you get a two-for-one which is great. And while members of Congress are much less responsive to people from outside their district, it is a huge boost to get members of the actual committee of jurisdiction to co-sponsor a bill. This is something the Chairman will look at when deciding whether or not to bring it up for consideration.

The list of Heath Committee members will follow at the bottom.

Remember, the more people you get into this fight, the wider net we can cast for co-sponsors. If you know anyone who may do this for you as a personal favor, just forward this to them. Contacts don't have to be sophisticated, just personal and sincere.


HEALTH SUB-COMMITTEE MEMBERS:
Nathan Deal, Georgia (10th), Chairman
2437 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5211 FAX: (202)-225-8272

Ralph M. Hall, Texas (14th)
2405 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-6673 FAX :( 202)-225-3332

Michael Bilirakis, Florida (9th)
2269 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5755 FAX: (202)-225-4085

Fred Upton, Michigan (6th)
2161 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3761 Fax: (202) 225-4986

Paul E. Gillmor, Ohio (5th)
1203 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-6405 FAX: (202)-225-1985

Charlie Norwood, Georgia (9th)
1707 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4101 Fax: (202)-226-0776

Barbara Cubin, Wyoming
1114 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-2311 Fax: (202) 225-3057

John Shimkus, Illinois (19th)
513 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5271 Fax: (202) 225-5880

John B. Shadegg, Arizona (3rd)
306 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3361 FAX: (202) 225-3462

Charles "Chip" Pickering, MS (3rd)
229 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5031 FAX: (202)-225-5797

Steve Buyer, Indiana (4th)
2230 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5037 FAX: (202)-225-2267

Joseph R. Pitts, Pennsylvania (16th)
204 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-2411 FAX: (202)- 225-2013

Mary Bono, California (45th)
404 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5330 Fax: (202) 225-2961

Mike Ferguson, New Jersey (7th)
214 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5361 FAX: (202) 225-9460

Mike Rogers, Michigan (8th)
133 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4872 Fax: (202) 225-5820

Sue Myrick, North Carolina (9th)
230 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-1976 Fax:( 202) 225-3389

Michael Burgess, Texas (26th)
1721 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-7772 FAX: (202)-225- 2919

Joe Barton, Texas (6th)
2109 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-2002 Fax-(202) 225-3052

Sherrod Brown, Ohio (13th), Ranking Member
2332 Rayburn HOB House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3401 FAX-(202) 225-2266

Henry A. Waxman, California (30th)
2204 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3976 FAX- (202)-225-4099

Edolphus Towns, New York (10th)
2232 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5936 Fax: (202) 225-1018

Frank Pallone Jr., New Jersey (6th)
420 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4671 FAX: (202) 225-9665


Bart Gordon, Tennessee (6th)
2368 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4231 FAX: (202)-225-4231


Bobby L. Rush, Illinois (1st)
2416 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4372 FAX: (202)-226-0333


Anna G. Eshoo, California (14th)
205 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-8104 FAX: (202)-225-8890


Gene Green, Texas (6th)
2335 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-1688 FAX: (202)-225-9903


Ted Strickland, Ohio (6th)
336 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-5705 FAX: (202)-225-9507

Diana DeGette, Colorado (1st)
1530 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4431 FAX: (202)-225-5657

Lois Capps, California (23rd)
1118 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3601 FAX: (202)-225-5632


Tom Allen, Maine (1st)
1717 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-6116 FAX: (202)-225-5590


Jim Davis, Florida (11th)
409 Cannon HOB House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-3376 FAX: (202)-225-5652

Tammy Baldwin, Wisconsin (2nd)
1022 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202)-225-2906 FAX: (202)-225-6942


John D. Dingell, Michigan (15th)
2328 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
(202) 225-4071 FAX: (202)-225-4671


Poly-Ticks Gives Me Diarrhea

I’ve always claimed that politics tends to give me diarrhea, and I’ll bet that many of you feel the same way.

I know that MANY of you in the Lyme community have grown rather cynical when it comes to politics and our government’s interest in our health – especially the health of those inflicted with a bacterial (bio-warfare) agent that was most likely released or propagated by some governmental agencies in the first place!

Well I think it is important for you to know that all those above listed people – they do NOT work for the idiots at the CDC. They do NOT work for the folks at the NIH. THEY work for you & me and WE, the People.

It is up to you & me and WE, the People to tell the above representatives that we are sick and tired of being sick and tired and that there have been some nasty-ass foxes in the bureaucratic hen-houses for way too long!

I don’t suggest you use that terminology when you make your personal calls, faxes, or emails – as even I, Dr. Wiseass, will (gulp) be on her best behavior so that I can be taken seriously! EEeek! (Best behavior? Do I HAVE best behavior????) I, will actually be using my REAL NAME!

So clearly – I won’t be calling, faxing, or emailing any of the above people TODAY because today ain’t a good day for me & “best behavior”. I shall wait until my fever comes back down to the 99 range and the spirochetes have stopped holding drunk-fests, & other types of lascivious bacterial parties in my frontal lobe.

I shall wait until I can, once again, string together a few words that create a SERIOUS sentence which does not contain the word ASS in it. I hope that I can do that on Monday. If not, I’m sure I’ll be up for the challenge by next Friday.

Until then, I trust that YOU, my dear, refined ones will pick up your phones, or computers (unless it’s a desktop computer at which point actually picking it up would be stupid…) and that YOU can tell your personal story & make a serious appeal for this serious ass disease.

And just remember – if you already happen to have a case of diarrhea (like me) – what have you got to lose? Oh wait…..

OK, just remember – diarrhea is just one way to de-tox! So y’all get to poly-ticking, now – ya hear?!!


Until next time…..

Hugs & distant Kisses (because I’m SICK SICK SICK),

DR. Wiseass
-not a real doc – just a real wise ass
dr-wiseass@sbcglobal.net