Once Upon a Time, A Woman Got Lyme...

TODAY'S MENU
DR. Wiseass
My Reason to Blog
My Blogging Plan

About a month ago I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease.

This news did not make me happy, but it did start to explain quite a bit about my mysterious medical history.


DR. Wiseass
Before I jump in, I would first like to officially declare that I am NOT, in any way, a doctor. I don't have a medical degree, nor a Ph.D., but I am hoping that I'll one day be granted some kind of honorary hoity-toity title even if I'm already dead. I will deserve it because researching & assimilating really hard-to-understand bio-chemical & medical jargon while living with and overcoming lyme disease is probably more challenging than any medical or graduate school in these United States, nay...the world! Of course, that's just my uneducated opinion.

As for my pen name: DR. Wiseass - I will give you a brief explanation, along with the reminder in case you missed it in the first paragraph that I am NOT, in any way, a doctor.

First, my real initials are DR - which makes that part fairly easy for me to remember. (People with lyme disease generally have very "challenged" short-term memories.) Second, I find quite often, that even in spite of myself, I somehow posses a little bit of wisdom..go figure. And third, some people, upon rare ocassion, have accused me of being an ass. Now isn't that cute?

Back to TODAY'S MENU

My Reason to Blog
For over half of my life I’ve been “sick”. Unfortunately, I’m still in the half of my life that’s experiencing the “sickness” so I’m not really very happy about this. My mother likes to add to my confusion by telling me that I was sick as a child as well. However, I’ve successfully blocked out most of my childhood so I can not validate this as truth. But just to satisfy my mother, I will go ahead & say “I’ve been sick most of my life.”

It’s just that I don’t recall being one of those “sick” kids - the ones who were always absent supposedly because they were ill. Or they’d come to school and constantly ask to go see the nurse, or they’d sit at their desk clearly oblivious that they had thick mucous running out of their nose. I can’t imagine they didn’t know – I’ll bet they didn’t have a tissue and they were afraid to make matters worse by using their sleeve. I remember having a feeling of disdain for those kids – like I was superior for not being afflicted with all of their various maladies.

And to all those sick kids – you know who you are (unless you’ve successfully blocked out most of your childhood) I would like to extend a heartfelt apology. I knew not what I did. I still don’t know what I did, because as I said, I’ve successfully blocked out most of my childhood….But seriously, I offer my most sincere apology if I did anything to hurt your feelings. And I’m not apologizing just because I feel the need to clear my karmic debt, but because I do know I judged you; and I’ve come to realize it is a form of cruelty to be genuinely “sick” and to be “judged” because of it.

Being “judged” is one of the many emotional components of being “sick” that really seems unnecessary and unfair. The thoughts, or rather, the realization that you are being judged by your family, your friends (if you can keep them), and society in general just adds insult to injury.

“Sick” people aren’t generally fun to be around. Hell, I don’t have fun being around me either (that is until my demented sense of humor kicks in).

It takes work to maintain a good relationship with someone whom is chronically ill for one reason or another. Most people don’t have the time nor desire to invest that must work in relationships – at least not from my experience.

That’s why I need to write - because “sick” adults need support, too. And for whatever reason, it can sometimes feel like you have a secret support system if you can share a common element of misery with others. It’s a strange, unifying factor.

My healthy husband can’t understand how it feels to be so tired that it’s hard to move. My daughter can’t comprehend at this point that the reason her mother is ranting is not because I’m angry that she’s smeared bubble gum on her glasses, but because I can’t contact the part of my brain that would tell me how to clean it off. The only idea I’m getting is SOS pad & I know that’s probably not a good idea.

I think my mother can partially understand the aches & pains that I feel in my joints & muscles since she’s starting to experience a little arthritis herself – but I can’t keep calling her at work or emailing her long passages describing how sick I’m feeling. Besides – what mother wants to hear about that on a daily basis?

I do have a few friends, even though I keep forgetting who they are…(that’s just a little brain damaged humor, and I can say that because I do, indeed, have some mild brain damage). As for my friends, it’s just too much of a drag for me to call them and cry into the phone about how depressed I am because I have no energy, I can’t figure out how to get gum off my kids’ glasses, or because I’m feeling like the good Lord gave me used body parts. Most people are just too busy with work, family, their own dramas, and the unending pursuit of that elusive thing called "happiness", to listen to my bullshit.

And the thing is, I know I’m not the only woman in the world with these symptoms feeling like I’m the only woman in the world with these symptoms! It’s lonely being “sick”.

It’s my hope in writing this chronicle – my chronicle to healing - that other lonely women & men will feel just a little less lonely, and perhaps can find a little humor, and some potentially valuable information, in the middle of their daily misery.

You know what “they” say: “Misery loves company”. Welcome to my party.

Back to TODAY'S MENU

My Blogging Plan
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m barely considered computer literate, so I'm trying to learn as I go along. Fortunately, this software seems user-friendly so far... And realize I’m only confessing my computer inadequacies because you’re going to have to be patient with me.

With regards to this blog, I would like to distribute lots of valuable information about the disease, with lots of wonderful links. In order to do that, I’m going to have to find the links, read all the information, digest it, and then try to regurgitate it in a way most people can understand. I will be doing this in between what little housework I can manage to accomplish, in between my multiple doctor visits, my few family & social activities, and the many naps that are necessary because this damned disease comes along with unrelenting fatigue and various forms of pain (which you will come to learn). This will take time.

I started this blog because there’s more than just the physical element to being “sick” – no matter what the disease, condition, or syndrome. There’s an emotional element to being sick – especially being chronically ill. I believe there’s also a spiritual element as well. I personally have the need to address all of it – not just the physical, but the mental, emotional, and spiritual as well. This, too, will take time.

At this point, I don’t really have an outline, or even a plan. I’m just going to allow it to come forth in whatever way it does.

I’ll do my best to separate the basic scientific/medical information from the purely emotional aspects. However, as a “whole” human being, that can sometimes be challenging to do. So I trust you will forgive me for any cursing that I may occasionally interject within the information, because you will certainly understand that I, being that whole human being, can be impassioned about some of this frightening, confusing, controversial crap. As far as the purely emotional paragraphs…all I can say is “Reader – BEWARE!

Back to TODAY'S MENU